An open letter to my past and present

 

 

I’m tired begging for attention

Begging for time

Begging for I-love-you-toos

Over the years I learned how to say no, how to beg and looked pathetic, how to chase and ended up being embarrassed, how to be looked down and stepped on, how to be ignored.

How they loved me so much in the beginning and how I gave my all, even opportunities for a better future, my dignity, my values, my money, my time, my sweat and blood, my reputation and my family. Then to end up being left alone. End up being not good enough. End up being boring. End up being too serious. End up being not so exciting anymore. End up being too fragile. End up being a part of the past. I’m just everyone’s few old chapters in their life. Someone whom they’ll never forget. Just a spike of thrill in their life.

Funny how I begged for love, time and attention. How I tried so hard to make things work. Yet love remained as a feeling. I see it as a commitment.

Love stories are always exciting in the beginning then after a few months it becomes boring or toxic. That’s why I don’t believe in love-at-first-sight’s, at meant-to-be’s and at how-perfect-they-are-for-each-other. I believe in love as a never ending sacrifice. Not really a beautiful thing. How can you know love if you don’t know pain. It’s like a stereotype that it’s all fun in the beginning and when all is said and done, you go on your separate ways.

I give too much for love and end up with nothing. Only wasted dreams and memories that need to be thrown away so I can love again. Weird how that works. You get hurt over and over again yet you can’t blame the next one so you have to be fair and love wholly again. It’s like a cycle. But the aftermath of the broken promises remained.

I don’t want to beg anymore. I don’t want to be weak anymore. I love coz it’s the purpose of my existence. I learned to love without expecting anything in return. Love me, I’ll love you. When you’re done with me, I’ll mourn for another failed attempt of finding forever and move on with my life. I’m not worth keeping as I’ve witnessed of how others left me like garbage but I know my worth when I look in the mirror.

I’m happy with the time and love you can give, the days you say you love me back and the days you looked me in the eyes and say you’ll never leave me. I can no longer count the persons who said this. Understand, why I am fragile. It’s because I’m still believing that I’ll find that person who will respect and love me until the end. It’s because I didn’t stop despite the repetitive pain. Loving again is like finding the courage to step back into a flaming wheel. It’s not a beautiful sight yet I try again.

And now, your actions speak louder than your words. I’m sensitive enough to be aware that you are fading. Yet, I am masking my pain, crying on some nights of the fear that history will repeat itself. Trying to change our routines so you won’t be bored. Trying to fix all the possible things that will make it fade. Giving you all smiles and attempting to make every good memory. To my present, like what I did to them, I’ll give my best shot while I still have a chance. I’ll give my all in an attempt that I wont be an old chapter of your life, a someone you’ll never forget. I’ll give my all on my another attempt of finding a love-against-all-odds, someone whom I can be forever with.

 

God’s provisions:digging deep to my heart

We have a lot of things that we want and are not sure if we can have it. Sometimes we pray so hard for something we really want like a job, promotion, new shoes, wardrobe refills, etc. Some things that we are aware of or we think would make us really happy if we have it but since we can’t, we ask the Lord of Provisions, God.

new shirts, pants, shoes, accessories etc. makes me happy. I love fashion and it makes me feel more confident. As time pass, everything becomes expensive that I couldn’t afford even just 1 shirt. A few days after receiving Jesus as my lord and Savior, God blessed me with a new pair of shoes. It was the shoes I’ve been looking for for months. By the next month(December),I wasn’t expecting anything as exchanging of gifts wasn’t really practiced in our family during that season and I’m used of not receiving any gifts during that season. Yet God still blessed me with 4 new shirts, new shoes, new pants, new bible and the best of all, a big mashimaro stuff toy and a small one. Mashimaro is my favorite and I rarely see stuff toys being sold here. I once thought of hoping to find a small one but it wasn’t a big deal for me but when God blessed me with that big stuff toy, i was leaping with joy.

After a few months I tried applying to this job in a company I’ve always dreamt of, I applied but wasn’t hired because of a problem in my requirements. I was troubled as to how I can support myself financially but this time, God gave me a big promise: He said “I will sustain you, I will supply your every need just fix your eyes on me.”

God had been blessing me so much. I had many things I wanted and never thought I could have but this time it’s not just about my want that He will give but what I need. Though confused and scared, I obeyed Him. I was amazed how God blessed me through many persons. The food on our table was overflowing that sometimes they would just expire and we have to throw some of them. God supported me financially!

Also, after a few weeks my father gave me a call saying they’re coming here in Bacolod for a vacation and will pick us up in going back to our hometown (which is really really far). Got restored my relationship with my family. He sustained me emotionally, especially in handling things. The joy in my heart was incomparable.

This could be a really long post if I write all the things God has blessed me with but to sum it all: God knows whats in our hearts. There are many things we hide from Him yet He still sees it. We have desires in our hearts that sometimes we are not aware. As we allow ourselves to build a relationship with God,we become closer and closer to Him. God doesn’t only reward us based on what we do but because He is gracious. God can bless you more and give you more than what you want because He digs into your heart. Do not force God to bless you with something you want; Trust in Him, He knows what is best for you because He knows your heart. He can heal you, restore you, purify you, etc. It may not be what’s in your mind or feel comfortable in the beginning that’s why we always have to trust Him and continuously seek Him.

By the way, the company i mentioned above gave me a call back weeks ago and invited me to re-apply. And I was hired. I’ll start working on this company I’ve always dreamed of ,this Monday. Thank you God for your grace! To God be all the glory!

How to love without expecting?

We are created to love and be loved; Yet love comes with a price. When we love we are putting are hearts at risk of getting hurt, frustrated, depressed or even broken. Many relationships break because they can’t stand their partner or their partner couldn’t give them the love and affection they are longing.; their partner just don’t complete them as they expect. There are relationships worth fighting and loving without expecting is one of the solution to make that vow of ’til death do us apart’ possible.

Since we are created to be loved, we need to experience the perfect love in order for us to stop longing for more. The perfect love is found in Jesus Christ. Truth is, he could have just said no to the cross but he thought of you and me. He even prayed for us before being handed over for crucifixion. God’s love is too perfect that no one could ever top it. If you lack fatherly love, true friends, motherly love, love from a lover, etc. God can do all of that. He can be your father, friends, lover, redeemer, comforter, etc.

By allowing God to be in your everyday life, you will know His love for you better. Reading the Bible is important and will let you know Him more and prevent misunderstandings of how God works. Through His perfect love, you can love without expecting from anyone. Those missing parts of your heart will be filled in by God. You will be complete.

When you are already soaked in God’s love, you will no longer expect too much from others. God is eternal while everything on earth is temporary. You will learn to love without expecting and even start accepting.

As you experience God’s love in your everyday life, you will also be transformed as you become more and more like Christ. You will be able to love the unlovable. As God shows you His love, you will also be able to show this love He is giving you to everyone.

Through God’s unconditional love, you will also learn how to love unconditionally. And since your no longer incomplete, your demands and longing will also be gone. You will gain contentment in life. Only in God can we surrender in which we will gain. There are many things to be gained from God not because we deserve it but because He is gracious.

Surprise Adventure

I was eating dinner when my father gave me a call saying that they’re gonna be in Bacolod (where my apartment is) within 2 days. The call ended with our decision of me going home with them(which is really really far). My parents went to Bacolod for a vacation and not really with the intention of picking us up so my brother and I went with them on their vacation. Here are the 3 places we’ve visited along the way.

This is our family car. It’s the Ford Everest Limited Edition. It’s very spacious and comfortable. It can handle rough roads or any mountain-like roads.

 

 

 

 

 

First stop was in Bearland Resort, Tigbajuan, Iloilo city.

It’s really a great place to unwind and relax. The pool is overlooking the beach. The place has a good ambiance. It’s very clean and quiet. The prices are expensive though but it’s worth it.

Second was in Campuestohan Highland Resort, Talisay, Bacolod city

The place is outlooking the view of Bacolod. You can watch the sunset from up there. The road going up there is bumpy and a bit long but there’s a shortcut going there. They have cottages or rooms where you can spend the night. It’s a good place to spend quality time with your friends or family. The place is packed with fun.

For those who want to commute: Take a Shopping, Northbound Terminal jeep then transfer to Talisay jeep then ask the driver to take you where you can ride a Barangay Concepcion jeep. Ask the driver of the Brgy.Concepcion jeep to take you to where you can ride a tricycle to Campuestohan Highland Resort.

For those who have a private car, take the shortcut in Granada.

Also you can request the service going to Campuestohan wherein the price is P100 per person. Never ride a taxi going there, they demand an expensive price.

The entrance fee is P150 per person.

Next stop was already in Mindanao: 7 falls, Lake Sebu, Surallah,South Cotabato

They have 7 waterfalls that you have to see but the best experience is the zipline adventure. It’s highest zipline in Southeast Asia. The fun was incomparable. The price for the zipline is P350 per person, but you will experience the zipline twice.

The 2nd picture is actually taken on our road going to 7 falls,Lake Sebu. This is in their roundball. You can just find this in the middle of the road so be careful in crossing to get here.LOL!

The 3rd and 4th picture is taken near their restaurant. You have to climb up to get there but the food is tasty. Never forget to order their “Chicharong tilapia” .

The waterfalls behind me on the 3rd picture is the 2nd falls. Though far, the vapor touches us because of the strong impact of water from a very high distance to the ground.

This is the 2nd falls. After the zipline, you can just walk to get here. The falls was too high that the vapor reached us at the top, near the restaurant.

It’s a fun place for the adventurous persons. Also try to stay fit before going here to experience the full fun.

On our way we also had some great experiences from different hotels and restaurants that I would really love to share:

When staying in Ilo2 with a group of friends or family, choose Grand Tower Hotel located near Atrium Mall or in front of Avon. They have clean rooms with affordable prices and great staffs.This room we got is located on the 7th floor so we had a great view of Iloilo and their pier.

If you’re a tourist and wants the best hotel regardless of its price, choose Amigo Terrace hotel, its the best hotel in Iloilo. They have comfortable, clean and classy rooms. The breakfast is appetizing with its wide variety of food you can choose from. They have rice meals, cereals, bread, salad and many more for breakfast.

The accommodations are worth it. The staff are welcoming and greets you with a smile. See more of this great hotel on their own website: amigoterracehotel.com

Seafood Island Restaurant is a fun way to dine. They have a group package where you can Boodle fight. It is where the food is placed on banana leaves and your gonna eat without using a plate. In Bacolod, it is located in Ayala Mall (North District)

This is what it will look like after you eat.

This is the view when you eat in Breakthrough, Villa, Iloilo city. They serve good tasting and fresh foods. I would highly recommend this restaurant if you want some seafoods for lunch or dinner. They also have the best pinoy foods.

This was an unexpected summer adventure I had with my family. We weren’t complete though, because my older sister is working but we tried to make the most of it getting the best out of every place we can stop by. My family and I became closer because of this. We experienced fun and some problems during this trips which made us know each other more and made our love for each other grow deeper. When we got home, my time for my sister and her family was priceless.

Thank you God for this great summer vacation I had with my family. Our family was complete again and everything went better than expected coz my expectations are usually different form God’s plan. God is the Master of Surprises. ❤ ❤

How to make God smile? (very simple ways)

God’s grace and blessings in our life is overflowing. Though we ignore His words and commandments, He continues to bless us.

Remember when you did something really bad then you see the consequence coming closer and closer, then you prayed so hard to God to let you off-the-hook and if He will, you will attend the mass every day, pray every night, be good to your parents, etc. but after God granted it, you only did your promise for a few days until every other day, until you forgot about it. On your next problem, God is still there. Though you ignore and reject Him, He continues to love you. He is always there for you, to comfort, forgive and bless. Wouldn’t it be great to make God smile once in a while? Here are a few things to make it possible:

Pray from the heart

God hears all your prayers but what makes Him smile and really gets His attention is a prayer from the heart. Compare your usual prayers at night from your prayer when your in desperate need. You pray from the heart when you’re in desperate need(sometimes with tears). You can pray from the heart when thanking God or asking for forgiveness.  ‘Lord forgive me for all my sins, thank you for everything today’-This is a prayer usually prayed at night but if you’re sorry for your sins because you know you have hurt or disappointed God that you repent and are willing to turn away from it and you thank Him with joy in your heart is a prayer that will make God smile. Though short, it comes from the heart. Just like a friend you say thank u and sorry, if it’s from the heart your sincerity touches your friend’s heart.

Spend time with Him

You really don’t have to go to the church or start a novena to give time to God. God is everywhere with you. You can reserve 30min.s-1 hour for God by just reading the Bible or just talking to Him freely. You don’t need a problem to talk to God. You can just talk to Him. Like a friend, you can share to God what happened the whole day, though He already knows, God loves spending time with you. Also this strengthens your relationship with Him.

Be honest

God is bored with the same cliche’s you say that you don’t really mean. If you’re angry or you don’t understand Him, tell Him. You are God’s CHILD. Your parents know wouldn’t know what you want if you don’t tell them, same is true with God. Though God knows everything your heart desires, He still wants your full honesty. He wants you to expose your feelings to Him, not hide it. Negative or positive feeling, He wants it. It makes Him smile when you expose your feelings to Him just like how it makes Him happy when you finally expose your sins to Him and not hide it in guilt.

This are the simple things that make God smile. Through this, your relationship with Him grows and that what makes Him even happier. God is our Lord but He also wants to be our friend. Though we can never repay His love with the exact amount, we can make Him smile with our little ways.

Let’s spend every day to make God smile. He did so much in our lives. Let us not live for ourselves. Let us live each day with Him in it. Start with this simple ways until You will see His goodness and know why is He worth it to surrender our lives to.

Funny and cool stuffs.

 Scariest roller coaster

From punching your enemy in the face, to praying for them

I have this new dorm mate who is uncivilized. She would play loud music in the early morning, 5am. She has a voice that is very loud, bragging about what she has. She is proud of herself. She would shout and disrespect her mother over the phone. When she bring her friends over she would brag about everything she has again. The worst part is, what she is bragging isn’t even something to be bragged about. Although this must be new to her because she didn’t grew up in the city but bragging about it and belittling others is really irritating. Also, she doesn’t have good manners. She is also proud of the number of boys she is flirting and fucking with. She intentionally shouts everything she say so all the people in our unit could hear it. She wants to be treated as someone highly. The problem is, all of us in the unit are more blessed with a higher type of lifestyle. We are all family-oriented and grew up with civilized type of persons.

As a christian, I find it hard to live with this type of person. Though we have separate rooms, I am always disturbed by her. She is proud of her sinful ways. As much as I hate to plant anger and hatred in my heart, I have no choice. There are times that I would take matter into my own hands, I would let anger drive me and pierce her with my words. While writing the first paragraph the anger was already leaking out.

I kept praying to God. God reminded that I should love my enemies and pray for them. I was like ‘seriously?’. Loving an unlovable and irritating person is almost impossible. He then reminded me that I am blessed with a complete, financially blessed and loving family, she wasn’t.

Days passed it was still useless. I still let anger drive me. How can you love someone in whom you have the urge to punch that person in the face?

One night, I allotted a time to spend with God. The anger was more intense. I hated it because I know I can sin against Him. The words in the Bible didn’t help. I couldn’t do all of it: if someone does evil to you do not exchange it with evil, love and pray for those who persecute you, give love who gives you evil. But this night was different, this time I offered my ears to God:

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. -Romans 12:16

I was about to roll my eyes on the first sentence but the following sentence struck me. I became proud and boast of what I have, not on the Lord.

Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written “It is mine to avenge; I will repay” says the Lord. -Romans 12:19

My heart was cheering and shouting for joy when i read this. But then, I remembered I prayed a long time ago for God to punish them, why didn’t He? I had second thoughts, if God is avenging me, then why can’t I see it. But God is consistent, my faith should not rely on what I see.

With words of hatred they surround me; they attack me without a cause.

In return for my friendship they accuse me, but I am a man of prayer.

They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my friendship. -Psalm 109:3-5

I was shocked and my eyes were wide open, literally, when i read this. It is precisely what is happening. I continued reading.

Appoint an evil man to oppose him; let an accuser stand at his right hand.

When he is tried, let him be found guilty, and may his prayers condemn him. 

May his days be few; may another take his place of leadership.

May his children be wandering beggars; may they be driven from their ruined homes.

May a creditor seize all he has; may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor.

May no one extend kindness to him or take pity on his fatherless children.

May his descendants be cut off, their names blotted out from the next generation.

May the iniquity of  his fathers be remembered before the Lord; may the sin of his mother never be blotted out.

May their sins always remain before the Lord, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth.

For he never thought of doing a kindness, but hounded to death the poor and the needy and the brokenhearted.

He loved to pronounce a curse-may it come on him; he found no pleasure in blessing-may it be far from him.

-Psalm 109:6-17

I was saying ‘yes! yes!’ at the beginning but at the middle part of my reading, mercy has captured my heart. God this is so cruel. But God was serious when He said, He will avenge you. God can do more than this. We may see suffering or punishment as temporary but for God, He can make it permanent not only while you’re living but for eternity.

Our suffering under the arms of the enemy are temporary but the punishment of God to them is permanent. God’s wrath is something to be feared of that our imagination wouldn’t dare to envision. Your enemy is bound for eternal death and is suffering at the same time with the world. Pray for them that God may have a little mercy on them.

Instead of asking God to avenge you, ask Him to save them. Ask God to let them turn to Him.

Bacolod: Campuestohan Highland Resort

Campuestohan Highland Resort, is one of the rising tourist spot in Bacolod. It is located at the top of a high mountain, far away from the city with a  refreshing view.
The entrance fee is P150, inclusive of access in the pool.

This the kid’s playground where a variety of enjoyment is waiting for your kids and the kids at heart.

 

 

This are the pictures of their rooms. I wasn’t able to ask regarding the price of their room accommodations though.

This are the other photos i took around Campuestohan while having fun.

The place is very relaxing and a perfect place to get away from the busy city of Bacolod.

 

 

 

 

Places to go in Bacolod for tourists

 

Negros Showroom. If you want unique and awesome souvenirs, this is the place for you. Located in Lacson st., Bacolod city and another branch in Robinsons Mall, Central Citywalk.

 

 

The Ruins. A tourist spot with a heart touching history. A great place to unwind and a romantic spot for dinner. The beautiful landscapes are well-appreciated in the morning while the beautiful ambience is well-appreciated at night. If you’re going to commute going here, take the Bata, Libertad jeepney and inform him that you will go down at ‘Bangga Pepsi’ upon arriving there, negotiate with the tricycle driver regarding the payment and request if he can also give you a ride back with an added payment.

888 Chinatown Square. For the shopping addicts out there, 888 Chinatown square is for you. Just ride a Bata, Libertad jeepney and it will take you there. They have fashionable clothings and accessories with a low low price. Before buying you can ask ‘waay ayo?’ so they can lower their price. It’s kinda like a maze in there but it will be worth it. They also have the latest trends of anything at a low price.

Bong Bong’s Pasalubong center. This is located in almost everywhere actually but for a convenient spot, I would highly recommend their branch at Robinsons Mall. They have a lot of Bacolod delicacies, especially piaya. Napoleones is also a well-known food in Bacolod, I would highly recommend buying it in Quan.

L’fisher Chalet TowerII. If you’re looking for a place to spend the night, L’fisher Chalet has affordable rooms with excellent services from the staffs. Also their rooftop area is a good place to unwind and enjoy the sun or stars. Usually they have bands to play good music while you enjoy your delicious dinner.

 

Club Sibeeria. If you want to party all night, this is the club for you. It is safer, trust me. If it’s not your taste, try MuShu, located in Lacson St. or Flow Superclub or Mo2 ice, the list goes on. If you just want to drink go to Art district, located near Lopues Mandalagan or Sorrento, Lacson St.

Felicia’s cake & pastries. Calea has found it’s match. Felicia’s has a variety of cakes and pastries to choose from without disappointing your taste buds. The best branch to go to is 6th St, Lacson street, Bacolod. The place also has a relaxing ambiance, perfect to have a coffee while you catch up with your friends from Bacolod.

 

 

 

 

Cautions:

-When riding a taxi, I highly encourage Faith taxi as your choice of taxi ride, the drivers are honest and their service is excellent. You can request for their units from your hotel’s frontdesk.

-Always look out for your bags and wallets especially when riding a jeep. You may be shocked that your bag is already ripped and your iphone and wallet is gone.

-Refrain from texting while walking, most snatchers are riding motorcycles and they can snatch your phone without you having the time to react nor shout.

-Other taxis do not have a taxi sign at the top. Other taxi company will send you a private car (it’s not metered though so before riding, negotiate the price).

 

This are the few basic things you need to know in Bacolod. Have a safe trip.

Battling with religion

Many religions have been rising throughout the ages. Christianity is divided. As the Bible says, Jesus came for division , as prophecized.

Other religions have beliefs and practices that may not be agreed by another religion though all of them are bible-based. If you try to read a verse in the Bible today, and same verse by the next week, God may give you a different interpretations. The Bible verses has hundreds of interpretations depending on what the Holy Spirit will give you and depending if your mind is open which may have caused the war between different religions.

We are a body composed of different parts with different functions. I believe that God is too complex and too far from our level intelligence and human effort that we could not grasp all of God’s teachings in one lifetime. That is why there is division. He have to divide us for His Will and purpose. Jesus came for division, not war between His people. He doesn’t want uniformity but He wants unity.

Different religions wants supremacy and the title of holding the Truth, on how to act, what to wear, what are the correct practices, beliefs and understandings. Sometimes they would talk bad about different religions.

Another effect of religion is that it may mislead them on concentrating more on their good works than God’s grace. People tend to perform more based on their religion, without looking into the reason behind it or even the heart for it. They would pray memorized prayers but their heart is empty, so are their words. God’s blessing and grace does not depend on how you perform so that He will love you. God loves you(period).Others would be very religious but whine why would God bless his/her enemy, why would God give the other non-religious person the job promotion, etc. Since they look more on their performance or good works, not on God and His ways.

 

Let’s try to erase religion and our differences. What we all have in common is our love for Christ. As He said, Let’s love one another so that they will know that we are His disciples. How i continuously pray and hope with all my heart that religion will not be a hindrance for our unity. May we learn to respect each others religion and concentrate on the love of each believer to God. We have one God and one goal on bringing people closer to Him.